I was afraid my huge extended family would ask me about Brian constantly like they did at Christmas, especially since more people are here for this wedding, and some of them are people who talked to Brian a lot -- but I think news must have traveled through the grapevine through my mother and my aunt, and no one has said a thing. I even put my wedding ring back on to deflect questions. I'm not sure which is worse: getting lots of questions, or not getting any questions but knowing that everyone talks about me behind my back.

Brian actually called me a week ago. I couldn't believe he would call me after what happened the last time we saw each other, but at the same time I know he's called me after other times when I thought I would literally never see him again. So in that sense it was expected. I had a speech ready about how I wanted to be absolutely clear that everything is over between us, in case I had made it unclear by having dinner with him a few times. He of course freaked out. He made me promise to have dinner with him again in a month or so when his meds start working again. I agreed, after about an hour of arguing, mostly because he made such a huge fuss about it. But at least I'm not on that slippery slope anymore.

I find it strange that I was in love with him for so long, even while he was doing awful things to me and making my life hell, and even after we spent months apart. But he crossed some line while we were in Thailand -- maybe it was telling me he'd divorce me when I couldn't find a job -- and now I don't think there's anything that could make me feel even a tiny fraction of what I felt before. Part of it is that whenever I think, "Maybe I could try to feel something again, since he loves me so much," I just think of my (future) children and realize I can't. I don't want to have his kids and I don't want him to be a father to any kids I might have, by him or otherwise.

So, I've been looking for a job for the last week or so, having quit my previous one... I've had a lot of interviews, which went well, and after I revised my resume I got a lot more responses. One of those is for a job I accepted, but I feel like it's too good to be real, either that or I am very underqualified for it.

I was at a coffeeshop for an interview, and when I told them why I was there, another man in line said, "If it doesn't work out here, we're opening up a place down the street." I had a copy of my resume, so he took it back to his manager. The guy called me several times that day until I picked up and arranged an interview. It turns out they're opening a pizza place this week, and the same company is opening a coffeeshop next door in about a month. And this is the part that is really weird, they supposedly want me to be the manager of that coffeeshop.

I have a ton of experience in coffeshops and working with espresso, but I have absolutely no managing experience. I think maybe I just came along before they actually advertised for the job, and they could see how much experience I have from my resume -- but it still seems strange to me. I talked to the general manager, Dave, for a long time. He said I could start working at the pizza place and help him open the place next door, and at that point I would become the manager. But until then I get to make $12 an hour, plus tips. I've never made more than $8.50 at a job with tips, so that's pretty sweet. I guess I'll just see about the rest of what he promised me -- a salaried position and other crazy things.