I don't have a lot of time to write because Brian is coming over so I have to get home, but I wanted to write something because I feel a lot better than I did the other day. My body seems to be registering the drop in meds, so the side effects at least aren't getting worse anymore. And the last 48 hours have been a lot less depressed.

After I wrote that last entry, I woke up the next morning feeling ok for once. I can't even remember the last time I woke up not feeling suicidal; there's just something toxic about my brain chemistry when I wake up. Then I went to work at 11, and ended up staying until 9:30 -- almost eleven hours. I was supposed to leave at seven, but my bitchy manager made me stay late to do a lot of cleaning that is the result of no one doing any cleaning for the last ten years or so. They had a health inspection and they were trying to get the restaurant clean enough to pass when they get another visit on Friday.

I don't have anything against helping them do extra cleaning, but springing it on me after I had already been there for eight hours kind of sucked. Samantha (my manager) said, "You're not leaving here until this place is spotless. SPOTLESS!!! I don't care HOW long you've been here!" (That is a direct quote, not an exaggeration. She was yelling quite loud, despite the fact that I wasn't offering any opposition to anything she said.)

She may be a total bitch -- she grew up in Hong Kong with servants, since her parents own a multi-national company, so she is good at giving orders -- but her husband, Andre, is from New Orleans and is so nice to me. He manages the restaurant and she manages the deli counter, so he isn't actually my manager. He pulled me aside yesterday to talk because I looked "stressed out", and made sure I was doing ok. Anyway, I don't really care if she's a bitch, because I wasn't planning to keep the job anyway.

I can't really decide what to do, though. I love all my coworkers, and it's nice getting as many hours as I want. They promoted one of the dishwashers, James, to fill the spot of someone who quit at the deli. James told me he doesn't mind working weekends, so I've asked for Sundays and Thursday evenings off. That way I can still go to yoga, and I won't always have to work all weekend. The tips are pretty good, too. I made over sixty dollars in the past two days. I'm sure I could make good tips elsewhere, but it isn't always easy to get full-time hours.

Last night I went out for drinks with someone from work -- actually, he quit two weeks ago, but he still hangs around a lot to make himself free espresso drinks. He was the executive chef for several months, but the managers overworked and underpaid him, and he finally quit when they wouldn't give him a week off this summer. He said he didn't have one day off in three months (seven days a week) and he worked fourteen hour days, sometimes even sleeping in the restaurant. And he was paid on salary, so he was actually making less than the cooks.

Anyway, his new job isn't giving him many hours, so he hangs out at my counter a lot. When it got slow we ended up talking a lot, and it turns out he used to live in Japan for three years (though he's my age), and also used to be a junkie, when he was still in high school. (Why do I always meet ex-junkies?) Now he just seems to be an alcoholic. So he invited me out for a drink and I uncharacteristically said yes. He took me to the Virginia Cafe, where everyone seemed to know him, and we sat at the bar and talked about living in Asia. I have no "interest" in him -- he's not really my type -- but it was fun to hang out with someone new. He tried to get me to stay out longer and hit another bar, but I was exhausted and took the bus home at 11.

I get paid tomorrow! I guess I'll pay August rent early, just in case I quit my job, and then see if I have any money left over. If I stay at this job, I have the strange and new opportunity to actually NOT be broke for once. I'm not sure what I'll do if I'm able to pay my rent, buy food and whatever else I need, and still have money left over.

I should start paying off my debts, but it's so overwhelming I don't even know where to start. Like, what do I pay first? How do I even contact the people I owe money to? (banks, phone companies, old apartments, student loans, tickets, etc). I haven't had extra money in so long. Maybe I should create a savings account and when I have gathered enough money, I can start paying off some of the debts. It's hard not to just go out and blow it on pretty dresses, but since I spend all my time working, I don't have time to shop or time to wear the pretty dresses. I think I would make a good workaholic. I'm sick of being broke.