Today I woke up late and enjoyed sleeping in, went and had coffee at my neighborhood coffee joint, and read the NY Times. I rode my bike to downtown at three to work and got there drenched in sweat, and sat in the walk-in cooler for a while to cool off.

There were literally only five customers from three to seven when I closed. I don't even know why they keep the deli section open on weekend evenings when none of the business people are around. I only made $2 in tips. This is the first job I've had where preparing the food makes me completely lose my appetite. And the first job where I absolutely HAVE to take a shower after every shift.

I don't even know if I can stick it out for the three weeks until my aunt's wedding. I'm really annoyed that I didn't find a better job -- but I was too broke to be picky at the time. I literally have one dollar to my name, and I'm just waiting to be paid next friday. Everyone seems to be quitting, so at least I have a lot of hours.

I barely made the bike ride home, my legs and feet hurt so much I almost didn't make it over the bridge. After my shower I hung out with some of Pete's models on the porch. I almost fell asleep in my room, but I had plans to meet my old high-school friend, Mara, who was in town just for today.

I was too tired to ride my bike again, so I used my tip dollars to take the bus downtown and met her at Powell's. We walked to Ringler's Annex and had a few drinks and caught up on the eight years since we'd seen each other. She's going to the University of Washington graduate program, and studying some social psychology issues that are very close to things I think about all the time -- so we had a really interesting conversation.

I had to catch the bus home at 12:30, but she was hungry so we walked down to Voodoo Doughnuts in Old Town. Being a Portland resident I have of course heard all about the place, and I've waked/ biked/ bussed past it million times, but for some reason I've never actually gone inside until tonight. There was a long line out the door, but it was well worth the wait. Mara got a peach fritter and gave me a piece; it was definitely the best doughnut experience I've EVER had. Mmmmmmm.

Then I hopped on the 19 back home, and here I am.

I didn't do much on my two days off, other than go to yoga class, drink coffee, and read. I did make it to the eye doctor to order new glasses and contacts -- there was a big sale so it was cheaper, and my mother agreed to help me pay for it. I've been wearing the same one-month contacts since Thailand (seven months) so I'm glad to finally order some new ones.

I have so many overwhelming things I need to take care of -- some of them small, like going to the eye doctor, or finding a better job, some of them huge, like figuring out my debts, or deciding where to go back to school and applying for financial aid. I have so many unresolved issues from the past few years, sometimes I'm so daunted that I'm completely paralyzed.

But I decided that if I just take care of one thing per day, I'm doing ok. Like, besides going to work, going to yoga class, taking care of the garden, and seeing friends, if I can either complete one task (like the eye doctor) or take a step towards something (like meeting with someone from a college, or applying for some new jobs) -- then I'm doing ok. Deep breath!

So I cut the doses of both my meds by about 1/4, and the swelling had gone down a bit, but unfortunately my depression has come back a tiny bit. I tried not taking the neurontin on Thursday, because the swelling was so bad, and by late afternoon I caught myself muttering "I hate myself" and decided it was time to end that experiment. I'm ok now -- it's just a bit more difficult than when I was on a higher dose.