I wish I had gone to Chicago so I could be with my family and see the cheesy parade like last year, when we did acid with Giulia.

The year before that, I was in Ohio with Brian. The year before that (2004) I realized that holidays are not a good time to try to get clean, and watched fireworks out my window with my dealer. The two years before that I was in Chicago, and the year before that was 2001 and I watched the neighbors set off fireworks in the empty lot across from our house on 28th Ave.

I have Nothing to do today. I have $2 in my wallet and nothing in my bank account since I paid rent. I think I have a leftover piece of pizza in the fridge, since I was at the pizza place when they closed and they gave me the extra pieces. I have some tea, too.

Yesterday I went to my new job, but only for a few hours of training. Then I hung out downtown for a while. I was at Stumptown when the weirdest thing happened:

I found a bag of heroin in my purse. I know when it was from; it was a day when I thought I'd lost the bag in a bathroom somewhere; I even went back to search for it. I had to call Tony and buy another one. But I was looking through my purse for a hairband yesterday, and I looked in this pocket I never use, and there it was.

I know a lot of drug users find forgotten drugs around their house after they quit, it's not that unusual, but somehow it's never happened to me before. I don't stash things. I keep track of my drugs and I use them all up when I have them, I don't lose them among my belongings. So this was a first for me. I don't have any needles and it would have been a total pain to gather all the supplies necessary to do it (lighter, cooker, cotton, water, etc) but I probably would have done it if I weren't on suboxone.

It did make me feel sick to look at it, so I didn't even bother walking to the trash, I just dropped it behind the bench where I was sitting so it fell between the bench and the wall. Ick.

I couldn't concentrate on my book, so I went home, and listlessly sat around my house and got really depressed; took some extra meds and that helped (a little). Tried riding my bike around but didn't have a destination and got really indecisive, rode all the way downtown to Pioneer Square and then turned around and came back.

Later I went out with Ashley and that was really fun; we had a lot to talk about. We got drinks on Mississippi and I got to see her new apartment. Oh, she lent me an Anne Carson book!

I was super tired riding home but I raced cars down 20th and I totally beat them to Burnside.

It seems like there should be something to do today, it's a holiday and all. Maybe I should take some of my acid. I don't know if doing acid, alone, on a holiday, is the greatest idea I've ever had. Plus I have to work tomorrow.