Today was ok, which is better than normal. Work was good. There was another new girl, who I liked more than some of the other new girls. It wasn't too busy and I was in a good mood and joking with the customers.

My arms don't look so good, and I made sure to wear a light cardigan, three-quarter length sleeves, so I could cover up the tracks without getting too hot. But after Natacha left I was doing dishes, mopping, taking out the recycling, and I got so hot I finally just took it off. Around customers I made sure to keep my arms bent up, but I must have let my guard down around the other Becky. I told her once a month ago about heroin, but I haven't said anything lately about what's been going on.

"What's that?" she said suspiciously. She, out of anyone I've ever met, does not understand heroin, or perhaps any drug. She seems like such a perfect person to me -- 22, involved in a bunch of musical and artistic projects, marrying her cute/ nerdy boyfriend this summer -- I guess she's never been exposed to drugs, or ever felt the need to do that to herself. When I told her about my actions of the past few weeks, her eyes widened, but when I explained about suboxone and that I have an appointment to it on Wednesday, she seemed relieved. She looked at me fiercely: "Don't do it! Just don't! If you ever feel like doing it after Wednesday, just call me and we can hang out!" I said I wasn't sure I would be comfortable with that, because I'm shy. But maybe I will get her number and try to make some new friends.

While I was taking a nap in Laurelhurst Park today I saw some people making a bizarre independent film -- the girl was wearing a gorilla mask with a beautiful white wedding gown, and the guy had on a suit and some other animal mask. Bunny, maybe. I watched them do strange synchronized dances in front of their camera, which was on a tripod. Then the guy filmed the girl standing on an island in the pond, waving her arms back and forth and running into the bushes. When I was leaving, I walked my bike over and asked what they were doing. The girl was beautiful up close. She said she was in film school and making a film about "the sadism of animals." She couldn't really explain beyond that, but gave me a link to her site: jilljames.photoblog.com

I rode my bike to Hawthorne and I heard "Becky!" and turned around and saw Nico! I've been meaning to call him ever since I got here, so I was excited to see him. I met him at a very strange time in my life, when I had just met Derek, and we've always spent time together as I'm leaving Portland or going through some cataclysmic event, so I'm glad I'll finally be able to see him, hopefully on a regular basis. He's one of the most interesting people I've ever met.

I forgot to report the good news a few days ago, not that any of you really care: my friend Jason finally found a job after losing his about two months ago. He went through a series of horrible life events that just seemed to get worse, and I was really afraid he might kill himself lately. First he had $500 stolen from him, and couldn't pay rent. Then he lost his job for risking his life for a stripper (he worked at a strip club and was defending one of the girls against an angry customer who threatened Jason with a gun. Jason stood up to him, but the manager though he should have been less aggressive when the guy pulled out the gun, because other people could have gotten hurt -- and they fired him!). Then he got kicked off the methadone program because he was too broke, and he'd been clean for quite a long time, but started using again. Then he got evicted, partially because his landlord wanted to remodel his apartment and rent it for higher to someone with more money.

I kept subsidizing his daily heroin so that he'd be well enough to find a job, and it finally paid off. He went through a series of promising jobs that didn't end up hiring him, and I was starting to lose hope, and didn't know how to convince him not to kill himself, since I was feeling the same way. But finally the other day when I gave him enough heroin so he'd be well enough to walk around, he dropped off a bunch of resumes and got an amazing job as a bartender at a new bar that's opening, and as the manager's "right hand man" until they do open. I almost cried when he told me, I was so happy. Hopefully he'll be able to get back on methadone when he has enough money.

So my parents are still planning to come out and visit sometime this summer, and then I'm going home for my Aunt Bonnie's wedding in August. I'm hoping that I can convince Donna to fly out to Minnesota after the wedding -- she can see where I grew up, and then we can drive that car back here. It'll be just in time for the end of summer, when it'll be a lot harder to ride my bike to work.

I finally found the fastest way to get from the Laurelhurst area to my job at Ainsworth and Greeley -- I ride my bike to the Rose Quarter Transit Center and take the 35 up Greeley, putting my bike on the bus. I can leave my house at 7:35, get to the transit center at 7:45 if I ride fast, catch the bus at 7:53 and get to work at 7:59. That seems like a short bus ride, but that's because it goes along the river for a long while with no stops, a long uphill stretch through nothingness -- under the Fremont bridge and through a bunch of industrial stuff. The busride is only 5 minutes but if I rode my bike, it would add an extra 20 minutes to the ride. So now I only have to leave 25 minutes before I have to be there, and I don't have to deal with that long bike ride when I'm tired in the morning.

Well I'm exhausted and I'm looking forward to sleeping in tomorrow -- no work until Wednesday. She scheduled me for three days (20 hours) which is a huge improvement over two days with only eight hours total, which is what I got last week. Hopefully after I get on suboxone my work will improve -- I still don't know exactly if, or how, my work has been affected by doing heroin when I'm not at work, but I'm hoping that is the problem. If she still has weird issues with me after I get clean, I'll probably look for a new job.