The show was amazing, perfect. They played all my favorite songs from both albums. I never get to see bands when I'm obsessed with them. I mean, the obsession window is only a few months long and it never coincides with when the band is in town. So this was great. I was totally singing the whole time, too, but it was so loud no one could hear me. After they played "In the Backseat," Miranda said, "That alone was worth the $40."

So, I managed to stay clean today because music basically sucks on heroin. There's no emotion. I saw Joanna Newsom and the Incredible String Band when I was high, and I shouldn't have even bothered going. All my favorite songs that mean so much to me, don't mean shit when I'm high. I spent my absolute last $40 on this show -- I didn't even have $1.70 to take the bus there, so I had to ride my bike -- and I wasn't about to ruin the experience. It's too bad my favorite bands aren't in town every day. That was a pretty effective reason to stay sober.

So tomorrow I don't work, Tuesday I work and then I get on a plane to San Francisco to visit Brian. I know, you think I'm crazy. I just can't resist a free trip to California... I've been missing it lately... and to see Manu Chao. I'm kind of curious to see Brian, too. If things get ugly, my return ticket is for Saturday, so nothing too bad can happen.

He sounded really calm on the phone. I know he's on a lot of meds for bipolar, depression, anxiety, etc. And he used to yell at *me* for being too medicated when I was taking Klonopin! He told me he's "addicted to Xanax" like it was a really big deal. Fucking cry me a river, you haven't felt nothing yet.

So, I should be able to stay clean on Tuesday. I'll be super busy, running from work to the airport. I'm not so sure about tomorrow. I feel great right now. It would be so cool if I could stay clean until I leave for SF.

I'm listening to the Arcade Fire, more. I had so much fun dancing at the show, yelling all the lyrics: "How come -- NOTHING TASTES GOOD!"

I was telling Miranda about escorting (though I didn't mention drugs), and then I said I was going to SF to see my husband. I though I'd told her about all that already, but she turned to me and said, "Who ARE you??" It made me feel interesting, for a moment. My life is an enigma, to people who don't know me yet. She said she thought I was 22. That's cute.