I ate all my oatmeal but I was too tired to stop at the grocery store after work last night. I thought at least there was some bread left. But no. The only thing in the fridge is... bacon, salad, soymilk, a grapefruit. So I'm having tea for breakfast. Breakfast is important to me so I'm trying not to care that I don't have any. Also, they stopped delivering our free Oregonian. I don't know why they started in the first place, and it was free, so I can't really complain. It was sad, though.

I like to step out on the porch with one of the kittens, and hold her while she smells the air and turns her head every time a car goes by. She clings to me with her little paws, like a safe island in the middle of chaos. Then we go back inside and she looks like she's seen a ghost.

I haven't decided whether to quit my job so I suppose I'll stay. The problem is that I really like the residents, and unless I have a good reason, they'd probably take it personally if I left. Nothing ever happens anymore that's so difficult that I want to walk off. And I don't dread it so much anymore. It's usually pretty fun, actually.

But I'm keeping my eye out for the perfect job. That would be something in Portland, preferably not too far from home. Something outside, or at least where they keep the windows open, so I can smell the sweet air. An independent, locally owned business. I don't care what I do but I prefer to do it in the morning, starting as early as 5 or 6, so I have the afternoon off. I like places where families and kids go. And I would like some of my coworkers, customers, or whoever, to be people I find interesting to talk to. I don't care about pay, but benefits would be nice. Is that too much to ask? Since I already have a job, I can be picky about finding another one.

I was thinking of taking the class to become a certified nursing assistant, at PCC. It takes about two months of almost full time classes, and costs about $1200. Then I could find a better job that paid more, doing the same type of thing. But I'd have to quit my job to take the class. And I don't even know if I want to stay with this kind of job.

In the time it took me to write this, it rained, got sunny again, and now the sky hangs with white clouds.

I've been taking tons of long walks, trying to recreate this feeling I had a few weeks ago, but it never works. Maybe the weather has to be warmer, maybe I'm not walking fast enough or long enough, I don't know. I would try running but I have bad knees and my father ruined his bad knees by running.

I don't have to work today. Maybe I'll make my bike work and ride it somewhere. Maybe more strenuous exercise would work better.