I think Thomas was happy to talk to someone who had any clue what he was talking about. Mark was getting Thailand and Taiwan confused. Oh my god. We must have talked for a few hours. We talked about pay but the conversation wandered and I forgot to bring it up again. Knowing Thai people, I trust them about money. Money isn't important, really. It's more exciting to be involved in something.

Today is Sunday, January 7. It has been 72 hours since I did any heroin -- and I still don't have my memory back. I was repeating myself and asking the same questions today, until even my brother got annoyed. We had dinner with some family friends and the entire time, I was petrified I would say something stupid, so I kept thinking, "Did I just say this?" If I wasn't sure, I would stay quiet. I barely said a word the whole time.

I've been working out a timeline of what happened, from phone records and talking to Donna. Unless noted, I don't remember any of this -- including the two days preceding any drug use, January 1 and 2. Strange:

January 3 2:07 pm -- ended a chat with Donna, said I was leaving the house.
2:45 -- withdrew $40 from an ATM at 22nd and Lyndale.
3:10 -- called my friend Vic for some unknown reason (I should call him and ask what I said.)
3:25 -- called the dealer's number (which I have permanently memorized ever since last year) for the last time (my phone only records the last time I call someone). This was presumably just before I met them at 33rd and Fremont in North Minneapolis. I remember those street names.

The only other thing I remember very clearly is getting in the backseat of their car (they always have you do that, for the "handover"). I never knew the kid's name, but we'll call him Shorty -- he looks about 18, about my height. He's the same delivery person they had a year ago. Shorty was there with someone else I recognized. They asked me if I wanted one or two, I said only one, and asked how much it was. Shorty turned and said, annoyed, "You KNOW how much it is!" I said, "Sorry, I haven't been around for a long time." (it's $25). I must have handed them the $40 from the ATM, then I remember the other guy meticulously counting out my change in $1 bills.

I don't remember anything after that, not even walking to my car or driving, but I have a credit card record that says I got gas on Broadway, somewhat nearby. I don't know the exact time.

I must have gone to the needle exchange, near downtown (I want to call them because I know they keep records of everyone who comes in -- they ask your initials and "drug of choice" and put it in their computer).

The next information I have is 3 hours later:

6:30 pm -- Donna says she called and woke me up; I said I was in my car but wouldn't or couldn't tell her where I was, but I was slurring. I couldn't remember buying it or doing it but I found the bag from the needle exchange. She was trying to tell if I was in danger and determined I was in a safe-ish neighborhood and that no one else was around. She says she tried to get me to take a cab home, but I wouldn't. I kept asking her what time it was. She convinced me to buy coffee, and she was on the phone while I was looking through my wallet and only found baht, but then I found money in my pocket. I vaguely remember that part, enough to remember that I think I was at Caffettos.

After that there are a few phone calls from my parents, hours apart, the last one at 10:27 pm. I must have gone home shortly after that. For some of that time Donna says I was on the phone with her, some of it she doesn't know. I don't know how I managed to drive all the way home without crashing. I think I was fairly sober if I could drive that well -- but for some reason my memory is completely gone.

The next evidence I have is a chat with her 24 hours later, late on January 4th, when I informed her I did heroin, not remembering that she was there (on the phone) the whole time:

DAB: hey, is everything ok? i just got your phone message a little while ago.
me: hi. i'm really sick.. i did h yesterday, and today
i don't even remember leaving you a mesage
i feel like crap.. puking all day, you know.
i hope you're not upset... i'll be fine. my parents know i did it.

Throughout the conversation I kept repeating myself and asking the same questions over and over. About an hour later,

me: i should probably go, i'm getting tired
DAB: me too dear... you are okay?
me: yeah. hey i'm being stupid, but i didn't tell my parents i did heroin, did i? i can't remember!
me: no one knows except you, i think. i just did a little h... the last of it. it makes me feel like crap. i hope i don't do it anymore.

So there is my evidence of when I did it last, 12:30 am Thursday night, technically January 5.

That's all I've come up with so far.

A few people mentioned in the guestbook and in emails that I might have been assaulted or hurt, but I don't think so, though I considered it, especially because of the 3 hour time gap in my evidence.

The only strange part is that I have a deep scratch on my right breast, about 1 1/2 inches above my nipple. It looks like a cat scratch, but I don't have a cat. Plus I was wearing a shirt, a sweater, and a coat, all of which were thick and had high necks. My necklace couldn't have scratched me because it's not that long. I noticed the scratch on Friday (Jan 5), and again today. Maybe I did it in my sleep. Other than that, my joints hurt, but my instinct says I am fine.

If something did happen, but I don't remember it, it's like a tree falling in a forest that no one hears. I have my money, my car, wallet, clothes, everything. If I never remember something horrible that happened, so be it. I don't want to encourage myself to remember something that didn't happen, especially since that isn't the point --