DAB: Hi. I just mailed you everything I remember about our conversations Wednesday.
me: oh, sweet!
someone wrote in my gbook "get thee to a nunnery."
DAB: I know. Oh well, they've been more vicious in the past.
me: i know. it's actually kind of cute.
maybe i should go to a nunnery.
wow, this is so strange. thank you for recording it all.
DAB: you're welcome. if you have any questions i might be able to answer, but i tried to include every detail i could remember. take all the things i said we said and repeat them A LOT and that fills up the 6 hours we talked.
me: that must have been annoying
DAB: no, it wasn't. i was just a little worried about you, but i wasn't even that worried.
me: well that's good
DAB: i was slightly shocked initially, but then i was so glad i called and you didn't have to go through that alone that i didn't get very upset.
me: i can't really find ringing in the ears as a symptom of h overdose, but my parents said i had it even on thursday
DAB: the only cause of tinnitus related to h overdose that i can find is "head injury/brain damage" yikes!

50 minutes

me: damn, check out the latest gb freak. i figured out "bobbie" and "anita" are the same person, by their ip addresses
DAB: ok, i'll go look
me: watch out, you have a Becky Problem
DAB: oh shit. just as you must put the needle down, i must PUT THE PHONE DOWN. damn! i wonder what anita's issue is. and why she is so retarded as to attempt to disguise her identity.
me: i think s/he created "bobbie" so she could write more in the gb without seeming obsessed. and s/he could make bobbie more critical. weird.
DAB: anita has a MULTIPLE PERSONALITY PROBLEM. or an OBSESSION WITH STRANGER PROBLEM. freak.
me: definitely
DAB: she needs the drama! the weird thing is, i think she thinks she's being helpful.
me: i feel like ending this whole thing and writing a new entry.. maybe about brian, since someoone asked about him. i never reported that i "broke up" with him
DAB: i wonder how people will react to that one.
me: they'd probably be glad, don't you think?
DAB: i think so. unless the anti-divorce freaks start coming out of the woodwork
me: yeah, those are about the only people i haven't heard from yet!!
DAB: gosh, the intrigue of becky's diary.
me: i'm shocked, really. where the hell are the "you took marriage vows for life!!" people?
DAB: i KNOW. well, why not tempt them and distract your heroin groupies by posting about good ol' brian.
me: seriously this whole thing is so embarrassing... heroin... but it's so fascinating i had to write about it, the memory loss anyway
DAB: i think it was good to write about it. it's okay to have privacy... but it seems unlike who you are to omit parts of your life.
me: well no matter what happens, it seems i'm guarenteed to go to prison.. for something
DAB: i know! i can't believe you're not there now.
me: damn, maybe i should just turn myself in
DAB: "officer, i'm not committing any crimes now, but i am a threat to society and donna and my parents according to the people who sign my guestbook." you should ask anita to be your drug counselor!
me: yeah! i should be like, ok, i admit i have a problem. let's talk.
DAB: you guys can have a support group: ex junkies and the people who obsess over them.
me: "junkies... and the idiots who love them"... tonight at 9 pm
DAB: who TOUGH love them
me: bitch slap that junkie -- it's almost like a sport
i need a meta-blog where i can post funny shit like this
DAB: i know. i was just thinking about how cool it would be to post this somewhere but how much everyone would also hate us.
at this point, fuck it. no matter what you do someone has advice, a complaint, an attack. so why not just be ourselves.
me: yeah, fuck it.
DAB: so...are you going to pay for my counseling for my becky problem? if you just turn yourself in now, we'll call it even.
me: it's flattering, really. i'm as addictive as heroin.
who used to say i was addictive? was that chris?
DAB: i have a feeling anita is a codependent just like me. ........ it must have been chris.
me: how sad, a codependent with no one to be codependent on.. except random internet junkies
DAB: as uninformed as she seems to be about drugs, she is so passionate and also uses lingo that suggests to me she has experience with drug users or NA or something.
me: definitely.. i think she said once that she was an ex user. i don't know why else she would care so much. ex-users are the most dogmatic
DAB: a lot of the time, people's condemnation really is self condemnation.
i even catch myself doing it...noticing flaws i have in other people. but also positive things. actually, the more i think about it, the more i can see that every opinion about the world points squarely back to opinions or "stories" i have about myself.
me: deep play
DAB: ah yes... deep play, the stories they tell themselves about themselves.
me: did you read the beckett quote ll send me? it sounded better when he read it, but it's still amazing
DAB: i did read the quote. i quite loved it. i particularly love to read beckett out loud for some reason.
me: yeah. each line kind of has it's own emotion
its
sorry
DAB: haha
don't worry i'm not grammar checking you!
me: (killing self)
DAB: it's funny to talk to someone new over IM. i rarely correct my own typos with you or even think about my diction.
Wouldn't it be embarrassing if we revealed to each other that we're not perfect?!
me: FUCK! no not that!!